~Chapter 1: “A Comedy Tonight”~

Stories are the best forms of entertainment.  For what reason is this, dear reader?  Is it for the characters that are so meaningfully developed?  For the sights, the sounds, and locations of such exciting and fantastical places?  Perhaps the overuse of details, to the point of annoyance.  To all of this I say, nay.  Stories are the best forms, at least one of, for the stories!  Perhaps the elements as described make up a story, but come now, how many characters have been so different, a feeling of freshness, from the previous?  How many locations have you read, perhaps even seen, visualized, a million times over?  For what is the purpose of these stories being written?  Entertainment?  A message to be addressed or attacked?  For if a message, I say, away with it!  Stories should not be so black and white, yet, for the stories I see and read today, that most undoubtedly is the case.

A romance, a tale of love, intertwined within a world of demons, beasts and partial places of reality?  This I have read.  A story of mystery, thrills of which fear begins to sweat down your neck and perhaps some great intellectual thinkers?  This I have read as well.  A tragedy of love, or deceit, or even of the combination, which must lead to an ending most unfavorable?  This I have read too, many times, if not too many, I might add.  So what of something else?  A parody, a commodity, a tale of which no matter what the end brings, the story itself is uplifting and brings overall joyous remarks throughout?  This is indeed of which a tale I hath read, visualize or even be brought before my eyes more often!  Hence forth, I declare that this tale about to be unwoven as your eyes pierce the text to be a comedy!

Indeed, greatest genre of genres, no?  No?  I do beseech that you wait as the tale truly breaks waves!  For I am nobody, just a teller of tales.  I only wish to see what I have envisioned for our tale to be, that is all.  Who am I really?  A lowly pirate captain, if so an answer you seek.  But I have not much to do with our tale of delight.  Perhaps I should inform you of what is about to be brought forth.  The time, the setting, but yet, not even let you know the picture, mental image, of characters introduced.  For I shall let them unravel themselves as they appear.

We begin our story at a place of most glamor and fame.  A town of magical, yet eerie aura, a place of which most of the wondrous things occur under the-though potentially eternal-moonlit sky.  For this seemingly grim town be full of people and things most unimaginable and stupendous.  Of course, the town I speak of could only be that of the Horror-Affiliated town of Transylvania.  Here, our main character of Vlanderlynn, who often refers to himself as “Vlynn”, besides here.  Through his travels does our story take mold and shape, and perhaps some of the funniest shape indeed.  The citizens of Transylvania are of the most peculiar type, but for unknown reasons, at least unknown to myself, it of Vlynn's clan that they must praise and treat as their leaders and their gods.  The zombies, the imps, the gremlins and goblins alike, all must give nods to the apparently superior clan of Alucard, the Vampiric clan of which Vlynn descends.  But fate was not of kindness to dear Vlynn, as the runt of the clan, barely being able to trace his roots back to Dracula himself, he has been given the task of keeping the clan status within their self-owned town that of an iron fist whilst his relatives depart to other locations of the world.  But why do they depart and he remains?  Well, as I am told, nearly seventy years ago after a certain mad doctor-or-rather's monster-thing, as I would like to say, went berserk upon the town, a struggle for power between the ghouls and creatures of disgust emerged.  In that time, humans were promptly “kicked out”, of the town that once belonged to them.  This fiendish town was then made into the most beautiful, by which I mean hideous, utopia for monsters and other such fiendish creatures alike.  Alas, this town lacked government.  In seeing a source to show themselves, they did indeed elect a “King” of their town, however, from little to ten years from past, the Vampires declared themselves the most able and henceforth commandeered the village.  Maddening politics, eh?  Course, “kicking out” humans proved to be an idea most unhelpful as the Vampires had began to learn.  Their food supply of human blood now had to be sought elsewhere and thus, they had to risk their lives at finding fresh sources, usually fine women or girls, and extracting the blood to continue their lives.  What a most tedious living!  Vlynn, being of the weakest of the clan, had the convenient and no doubt cliché ability to live for more than a hundred years without blood.  Such a fallacy among feared, yet somehow flawed, immortals, right?  

But at least that covers our backstory of Transylvania.  Forgive me if that took too much time out of your soul, and have a laugh!  For Vlynn, you see, is the stereotyped hated member with a passion for something no vampire of his clan could ever care for.  Which would be love, right?  Nay, as love is only for those who seek romantic clichés, which I assure I will not have in this story.  Then again, to make that statement a true one would be nothing more than a false one.  Perhaps if one were to be interested in this sort of thing, this story does indeed offer, but perhaps you'd like to know a tad more of Vlynn, while we're on the subject?  His true passion would be, as for unknown reasons hated, the art of culinary dishes as well as watching Television.  

This being all said, our story begins when Vlynn receives message from his uncle, whom hath moved to the small isle chunk of a land, Wales.  With such pressing matters needed of Vlynn to leave and see his dear uncle, he lives the village unattended, which indeed begins to set rebellions aflame.  Well, if you can call a man without a head a great leader of battle, I suppose you could say these rebellions would go aflame.  When upon his return, Vlynn must deal with the uprise and “squash” them as his clan members demand, but are far too busy with their own problems at the moment.  Will Vlynn even decide to act on this rebellion?  Perhaps not, as his amount of care for these politics is beyond himself.

Instead, Vlynn becomes fascinated by a girl of whom he meets on the London streets, our second main character, Isaria Risclest, whom actually has upbringings in the United States' South.  Vlynn's frustration with his woman would indeed become a major headache, as well as his clan members bickering over the condition of “their” city.  Even a rumor of their great ancestor Dracula coming back from the dead sends all their lives into a tizzy, whilst our two main characters develop strong feelings for each other all the while.  Though perhaps I should elaborate, when I say “strong feelings”, it does not mean the basic concept people believe to be “love”.  For the case of one of the two, this is indeed the case, as for the other, I would argue “strong feelings” could also bring a great amount of resentment, would you not agree?

This seems so overly dramatized, as I'm sure you're aware, but I ask that you remain lighthearted throughout!  This is nothing of drama, death or dreary dull dark tales, for this is a parody I say!  A love story of which the cliché concept we read about is questioned, or at least, mocked until our tear-glands run dry.  A play on words, of the culture of most popular as well as other such forms of stories and medias.  A story that must always be jested at, and encourage the jesting of other such clichéd stories.  A comedy this story must be!

As for other appearing characters, there are many to count.  Jacques Hollow: The former Pumpkin King of Transylvania; Dr. Finkel Frank: The third generation (on his mother's side), of the lunatic Frankenstein doctors; Igor: The seemingly immortal hunched man that plays a dual advocate for both parties against each other; Louie the Card: Vlynn's uncle who currently suffers life without an umbrella; Frankfurt: A monstrous hot-dog left by Finkel Frank's uncle, wishing to become a movie star; Nancy Harr: The seemingly only Southern Belle friend to Isaria, whom wishes to have her feet swept off, or something-or-rather, and fall madly in love; Lovable Pirate Jeremiah the Windy: A friendly pirate who wishes to pillage the whole isle of England; Dracula: The last great king of the vampires; Mum's Tut: A Mummy that runs a local bar; Meyer: A human who was granted permission to live within Transylvania, granted he always wears bizarre masks, with a habit to kill random bunnies with chainsaws; Alucard himself: The rumored first vampire to ever live; Mad Gorilla: An intelligent ape with the shortest of fuses for tempers; Mr. Zilla: A monster that lives within a sea between Australia and Japan; Mr. Hoswit: Isaria's butler and caretaker, always forgetting to wear pants; The Goblins and Gremlins: Little creatures that love to play and experiment on items smaller than they are, as well as cause mischief;  Pseudo: An old Greek God, not very well known, for his love of comedy; and of course Maria; a girl who introduces herself from the future?  Pray tell how all these characters shall interact!

If you are wondering, dear reader, who I am, you may address me simply as, “Kagki”, and nothing more.  Let us keep in mind all characters as we now know, as all will have some aid, may it be little or great, to add to this catastrophe waiting to happen!  Now then, I'm sure that this all begins to tear at your brains until it pops and the air be let out.  I say this to you again for what we are about to dive into for a story: A parody, a heresy, none of this tragedy, but a comedy!  For indeed, let our tale unfold into a comedy, a comedy tonight!